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Adventures in Stupidity

And for all those politically correct poobahs out there….the post you are about to read involves my stupidity only.  I figure it’s acceptable to call myself stupid, or at the very least bone-headed.

I went to a family picnic that was a 2 1/2 hour drive away (one way).  I didn’t get lost finding the place which is a minor miracle as I am seriously directionally challenged.  With a little help (read: nagging LOL) from an online friend, I didn’t even forget anything that I had planned on taking with me.

I had a great time.  There was lots of good food and lots of good conversation.  I hadn’t seen several of these people since the picnic in 2007, and the others I either hadn’t seen since the 2008 picnic or I had never met them at all.

I left for Bend about 4:00 pm and I was 15 minutes away from home when I realized  that my purse had enjoyed the picnic even more than I did.  It enjoyed the picnic so much that it stayed behind when I left.

I called my cousins’ cell phone from the truck.  I got an answering machines recording that says if you want to leave a message call another number.  Who has a pen to write down the other number?  Not me, all of my pens are in the purse.

So I say the heck with it, I will call them again when I get home, and since I have the worlds largest supply of writing instruments I can easily write the other number down then.

I called again as soon as I got in the door and reached a real live person this time.  He located my purse on the deck, big as life and twice as nasty; he agreed to drop it in the mail on Monday.

To add even more idiocy to the story: I spelled my last name out for him.  What’s idiotic about that?? I did mention didn’t I that this was a FAMILY picnic….. of course he already knew how to spell my last name.

Oh well, the lack of debit card and drivers’ license will give me even more time to clean house.  Why?

1) I shouldn’t drive without my drivers license

2) without my debit card I can’t pay for my fast food addiction!

Am I going to let my purse out of my sight ever again?…….I DON’T THINK SO.

brown goo and other horror stories

So that we are all on the same page: I am a certified slob.  A former landlord asked me if I actually KNEW how to turn on a vacuum cleaner.  No, that isn’t a joke…..he really said that.

I am also lazy.

Between the slob and the lazy my house is a total disaster area, only FEMA will NOT come in and declare it eligible for federal funds ……so I have to clean it all myself (am I whining?  YES!!)

My aunt is coming to visit the end of the month so I’ve been cleaning house all month (hey, I’m slow and lazy as well as being a slob).  And while there have been a few pleasant surprises along the way (finding things I didn’t even know were here, finding things I thought were lost forever) there have also been some really disgusting ones.

1) Renuzit air fresheners — the ones shaped like little rounded tepees — have a tendency to melt a bit if not used.  Of course I found this out when one of them dripped on my hand. On the bright side, I smelled good for a few hours (or at least my hands did).

2) Brown goo in the bottom of a bucket…..bucket was moved from Beaverton, Oregon to Bend, Oregon in October 2005.

Contents were not examined until today.  Personally, I could have gone the rest of my life without examining that bucket and its contents.

The melted sample size of Lever soap shouldn’t have created that much of a mess, so I have to assume something else brown, nasty, and gross was in that bucket and spread its slimy little tentacles all over everything.  The contents of the bucket (other than a fork, and don’t ask me how a piece of silverware got in the bucket, I haven’t a clue) have been thrown away.

The infamous bucket with what remains of the brown goo sits in my bathtub full of water.  I’m assuming the bubbles are coming from the remains of the soap.  The fork sits in my kitchen sink soaking too.

Am I ever going to wait this long to clean house again?……..I DON’T THINK SO.

Mick’s Pic :)

so here he is in all his orange glory

suellencat

Adventures in Job Hunting

Today was the day I had to go to Kinko’s to print out an application for a state of Oregon  job, two supplemental documents, and a fax cover sheet.

The plan was to get there at 8:00 am, as one of the supplemental documents had to be faxed and the deadline was today.

The actuality was I got there about 11:00 am. I’m actually happy I didn’t crawl out of bed at the crack of dawn because when I did actually arrive at their front door they were closed due to a power outage.  At least going to Kinko’s wasn’t the only scheduled stop for my day.

So then I have the smart idea to go to the Deschutes County library and use their computers.  Well, it would have been a smart idea if only their computers would have been able to read the documents I needed to print out from my flash drive.  The  bright side was that I got some exercise walking up and down the stairs to the computer area.

Next step: come home and look in the phone book for copy shops.  Now that idea turned out to be the best and brightest idea I’ve had in a long long long time. I might even go so far as to call it a ‘brilliant’ idea.

I had used Lazerquick when I lived in the Portland area, I didn’t even know we had one here in Bend…but there they were in the phone book big as life LOL. The first great thing was that they are a little over a mile away from me (Kinko’s is 5-7 miles away one way)

I decided to save myself some grief by calling Lazerquick to see if they had internet access for their customers like Kinko’s does.  They didn’t, but they were willing to print my documents off of my flash drive for me.

So I get there, I didn’t even get lost–this ranks right up there as a miracle as I am severely directionally challenged–and give the nice lady my flash drive.  She prints out my documents (11 pages altogether) from her computer and charges me 77 cents (7 cents per page).

And here’s the best part:  If I had been able to go to Kinko’s (5-7 mile drive one way) the copies would have cost me $5.39 (49 cents per page) PLUS computer time ($12.00 per hour)

Am I going to be using Kinko’s for printing or copying again?………I DON’T THINK SO

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Mick The Morose

Well, you would be morose too if your former owners called you FISH STICK.  Really, who names a cat “FISH STICK?!!”

His first official actions upon meeting me were to accidentally scratch me in the bosom area and then to hiss at me.  But once I got him home, he decided this fat old lady wasn’t too bad, and the eats were great (he gained 2 pounds from the time I adopted him until the time I took him for his first vet exam, as the vet tech said “Mick hasn’t missed any meals”).

Mick has continued to ‘not miss meals’ as he now weighs close to 17 pounds.  Do I think I’m going to put him on a diet any time soon?  I feel he will be the cat from hades if I even try so…….I DON’T THINK SO.

Mick is large, orange, and can be very demanding when he feels he hasn’t received his fair share of petting.

And did I mention he has a plastic fetish?  Anything, and I do mean anything, that is plastic is fair game for him.  Drink cup lids (he will carry the domed ones around in his mouth), plastic grocery sacks, the strips of plastic that seal food such as Breyer’s ice cream…..you name it he chews it.  Oh yes he’s also been known to try to carry off candy bar wrappers and has played with double A batteries!!

Its interesting being owned by cats

I lost my last cat (Noelle aka ChairCat) in November 2006.  And every time I mentioned getting a replacement cat, my father (with whom I lived) gave me an extremely dirty look (no words needed).

Was I going to get another cat any time soon?…..I DON’T THINK SO.

In December 2007, my father passed away.

On March 31, 2008 I decided it was time to get not one but two cats.  So I go to the Humane Society animal shelter.  I see this gorgeous large orange cat (poor thing had been called Fish Stick by his previous owners) and a smaller gray tabby (both males……more on that a bit later).

The introduction of the cats to me and to each other goes fairly well other than Fish Stick (now called Mick) accidentally clawing me in the bosom area. So the decision is made, I will adopt both cats.

What I didn’t know at the time was that the small gray cat was quite literally a pisser (Percy the Pisser to be literal about it). That darn cat pissed on my bed (twice, down to the mattress), on my purse, in Mick’s face, in the heating vents, anywhere but in his litter box.  I knew males were territorial but these two were fixed…..right???

Finally after 2 months, I said enough is enough and took him to the vet.  The vet tech says as they are taking a urine sample…..this smells like boy pee.  Apparently uncut (non-neutered) male cat pee smells different (worse)  than the pee of neutered males.

Do I want a job where I have to tell the difference between the two?……..I DON’T THINK SO!!

So they do a nice expensive test to see if Percy is still producing testosterone.  He is….so we schedule a nice expensive surgery to remove his testicles (which had never descended and therefore had never been removed when he was neutered).

It’s been over a year since his surgery.  He’s had ONE accident since then.  And he’s much nicer, sweeter, more loving than he used to be. I know some males who could maybe benefit from the same surgery Percy had ……… ROFLMAO!!

Morose Mick will get his own blog post a bit later.  Don’t tell him that Percy got the first post, he’s already jealous as all get out.

So my first blog entry………

AFLAC….a reputable company.  Yes.

One of its local representatives…..I don’t think so.

This interview I was supposed to have with the to-be-unnamed Aflac representative…….was a farce from beginning to end.

From the time I first emailed my resume to him, it took 12 emails over the course of 10 days to finally get an interview.   He never specified where the interview would be until almost 11:00 pm on the night before the interview was scheduled, and that was after having to email him yet again to confirm that the interview had even been set up in the first place.

So finally I have the interview confirmed and instructions on how to get there.  I get up early, shower, wash my hair, all the normal “getting ready for an interview” types of things.  At 2:30 pm I leave to go to the interview (which was at 3:00 pm).

First off he also never told me that the office was on the second floor.  I find it anyway, but it doesn’t matter since the office was locked and dark.  I thought maybe I had the wrong office, so I wandered around and found someone who told me “oh no, you were at the right office the first time around.”

I go back up to the second floor, office is still dark and locked.  I sit on the stairs in oh 90 degree heat waiting for Andre to show up.  He never showed up.  He never called me.  He never emailed me.

Am I impressed with Andre?  ………. I DON’T THINK SO.

Will I apply for another job with AFLAC?……..I DON’T THINK SO.