Dish Network, the Cop, and MOI

So I haven’t watched TV in a week or two, real life has been getting in the way.  I decided one night last week that I wanted to watch HGTV so I grab the remote in the bedroom, push SAT and then push TV —- all I get is ‘please wait’ and scrolling messages across the screen.  I try two more times, same story.  So then I try the TV in the living room.  Again, all I get is ‘please wait’ and scrolling messages across the screen.

So I called Dish Network’s 24/7 customer support number at 1-800-we-are-painfully-stupid (not a real number LOL) but you will see why I say ‘1-800-we-are-painfully-stupid’ soon enough.

The first person asks three times for numbers on the right hand side of the screen.  Three times I tell her, there are no numbers.  Then she wants me to read the messages to her.  As they are scrolling messages, I can’t read fast enough. This seems to make her mad.

So then she asks if I am in the room with the receiver box, and I say no and that I am not even sure where the receiver box is, although I do know where my DVR is.

So she knows I have a DVR but she tells me I will have to push the button on the receiver box, I tell her again I do NOT know where the receiver box is.  Finally after being told a total of three times to push the reset button on the receiver box, I say “didn’t I just tell you I don’t know WHERE the receiver box is?” and slam down the phone.

After a few minutes, I call 1-800-we-are-painfully-stupid again and get a new person–male this time–who is equally as intelligence-challenged, rude, and totally unhelpful as the first person was.  After a few more exchanges about ‘push the reset button on the receiver box’ and ‘I don’t know where the receiver box is’ I slam the phone down, swear loudly, and throw the phone halfway across the room.

I then go into the living room and start looking for the ‘receiver box’ and my instruction manual.  No receiver box found and the instruction manual makes it sound like the DVR and the ‘receiver box’ are NOT the same thing.  I finally assume that somebody has entered my house and stolen my receiver box, this would also be an explanation for the videotape that walked across the floor from the cabinet under the tv all by itself.

I call 1-800-we-are-painfully-stupid a third time to say that my ‘receiver box’ has been stolen.  I have to report it to the cops and then fax the report to Dish.  Or I can continue paying for a system I can’t use, or if I choose to leave Dish I can pay all the lovely termination and equipment fees.

I hang up on the third fool from 1-800-we-are-painfully-stupid and call the non-emergency police number.

The cop gets here about 15 minutes later.  Luckily for me, he had also had Dish Network a few months back, and said oh I think the DVR and the reciever box are one and the same.  He found the reset button.  He pushed the reset button.  I was watching TV less than 2 minutes later.  Of course I felt like a stone idiot and apologized about 5 times to the cop, but at least I could watch HGTV and not boring messages from Dish scrolling across the screen instead.

The next day I get a phone call from Dish asking me to take a survey about my experience with their customer service people.  It was a 1-5 ranking for several questions, with 1 being the worst and 5 being the best.  Did they get a five on ANYTHING?  I DONT THINK SO.

The last question was what could Dish do to improve my experience with them, my answer was train your customer service representatives to say DVR or DVR/reciever box as I am sure I am not the only person out here confused about what the receiver box is.

The next time I wanted to watch TV, the remote was acting up, not letting me change channels. Did I call 1-800-we-are-painfully-stupid again?  I DON’T THINK SO.  I went to Safeway and bought some new batteries for the remote instead.

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